Ratchet and Clank Future: The Big Bang
by Apocalypse-Weekend
Summary: Retirement. A different career. Ratchet, Clank, and Talwyn want to end their lives as mercenaries. The only thing preventing them from doing that...past love...past promises...and the human race. The answers lie...after the big bang.    Please Review :
1. Chapter 1: Plumber Gentleman's Club

Ratchet and Clank: The Glory Hole

_Clank_

Chapter One- Plumber Gentleman's Club

"Well, Clank, if it is what it is, I'd have to say I think the plumber has found his calling."

Another standard metropolis evening with Ratchet gone well. We were watching another episode of my award-winning series, Secret Agent Clank. Let's just say, this season, we found something worth more than the riches. *eh-he-he-he-he-he*. With Ratchet finally putting down his gloves as a mercenary, we had a surplus of time for the things that really mattered in life. Food, drink, auto repair, women, money, cars, money. The good things. At least in my life, for one of the new episodes a while back, we had a beautiful young singer come in to play my damsel in distress. As Ratchet and I sat there watching television, she served me my favorite drink- a motor oil martini with no olive.

"Thanks so much, Lilia." I replied when she handed me the glass.

"Anything for you, Clankie!" She giggled.

Ratchet smiled, "Clank, you're a lucky robot. Barely in the prime of your youth, and you're already happily married. Makes me feel inferior sometimes." He then laughed.

I thought for a while, thinking Ratchet was depressing. "Its fine Ratchet, you're still only 28. And you've had several girlfriends. And when you think about it, the median marital age is now in the low 40s. Statistically speaking, I would have to assume that you are in good shape. Plus, it's fine to feel inferior. You are shorter and less academically intelligent than the median…" I spoke without processing. "I'm sorry."

He gave me a joking slap on the shoulder, "I know, buddy. And frankly, I couldn't give Captain Quark's a…"

Ratchet was interrupted by a commercial on the Holovid. I always tell him to get a holoDVR, so we can skip the ads, but for some reason he is consumed by them. Especially this raunchy blather.

_Hi, it's me, the Plumber. Are you lonely? Unmarried? Did somebody you like a lot get married? Did someone else you like become one of my dancers? Then, get on over here to the Plumber Gentleman's club! The only pipes and poles I'm working with now are the pole posit… well, come along here and find out what I mean!" Just ask my newest dancer, Angela Cross!_

"_I used to work for megacorp. And it was mega-boring! Now, I have an exciting job working at this creepy place!"_

Ratchet jumped from the couch, "WHAT! FIRST SASHA RUNS OFF WITH AL AND NOW ANGELA WORKS IN DEBAUCHERYLAND! WHAT THE…URGH!"

He put his hand to his head, shaking it in disgust. I walked up to him, "Ratchet, its fine. You don't need them. You had Helen, and Kylie, and Cleo, you're fine in the relationship department."

"Clank, I'm single. I've been single since Cleo said she didn't want to risk having a Markazian-Lombax hybrid baby. I wasn't even going to marry her!"

I processed for a second, "Cleo was Markazian?"

Ratchet sighed, "Yes. She was."

I shouldn't have said what I did next.

"How's Talwyn?"

"I don't know! We were just friends and siblings in arms! I need to get out for a second. See you later Clank. Oil's in the drawer if you need it."

I didn't know what he meant. "My sprockets are lubed, though."

Ratchet chuckled, "You know what I mean."

I had to say something.

"If you want to ask her out, just do it. She can only say no!"

He gave me a thumbs up. Then he jumped in his hover car and peeled off.

**_SORRY ITS SO SHORT! MORE COMING!_**


	2. Chapter 2: Dinner Friday at Eight

_Ratchet_

Chapter Two- Dinner Friday at eight

I really had to think about what Clank was saying. I mean, I liked Talwyn, but as a friend. Nothing more and nothing less.

The drive to my favorite food cart meant cutting across metropolis traffic and a mile long walk in a park. It was a beautiful park, winding pathways, housing massive trees that stretched into the sky, like everything else on metropolis. When I got my food, I realized I wasn't wearing my gloves. Or shoes. I really was in a rush.

As I sat there on the bench, relaxing, I heard a soft voice, "So! You must be homeless now, Ratchet."

I looked up. In front of me, was Talwyn. I didn't know it was her at first. She wasn't wearing any armor. She had a pair of gloves on, but other than that it was her usual outfit she wore in a fight. She had her hand on her hips. It had never crossed my mind once before, but I now noticed just now nice her…never mind. I mean I was never good at math, but her parabolas looked pretty nice too. How bout I stop?

"Almost didn't recognize you, Ratchet. I've never seen you show that much skin."

I covered myself with my hands jokingly. She chuckled. We walked around the park for a little bit, talking about rising prices, unemployment. Turns out Tal was in Metropolis looking for a job. I offered her something at the auto shop, but she wasn't interested. Cronk and Zephyr were still at the space station arguing about age. I hate to admit it, but I had considered asking out Talwyn before. But now that Clank supported the idea, it was growing in my mind. Talwyn didn't mention anything about the Lombaxes or her Dad, so I left the subject untouched. When we got to the overlook of downtown, we stopped walking. Talwyn was amazed at how vast Metropolis was. That's when I snapped. The way Talwyn stood there with her hands on the rail, her hair blowing in the breeze, I lost it. It had to come out.

"Um, Tal, can I ask you something?"

As I leaned against the rail, she turned. Her eyes shone in the setting sun. That was the last straw. I was going to ask her.

"Yes, Ratchet?"

"What are you doing this Friday?"

"I don't know. Sleeping. Job searching. Why?"

I swallowed my fear, "I wanted to take you to the Green Kerwanian Café."

Talwyn crossed her arms. "Really?" She rolled her eyes, "Who do you think you are Ratchet? I haven't seen you for over two years and all you want to do is take me to a fancy restaurant?"

I slouched, "Well, at least I tried." I turned to the path that led to my car.

Talwyn laughed, "Ratchet, let me finish."

"Why? You've already rejected me."

"Who said I rejected you."

"Um, you did! Like, just now!"

"Well, Ratchet, I like, would totally like, to like, go with you because it sounds like, so nice!"

I didn't know what she said for a second. At long last she grabbed my hands and looked me in the face, "Ratchet, I would love to go with you, okay? I want to get to know you better! You're such a sweet guy!"

If I could blush then I probably would be.

Talwyn brushed her hair behind her ear. "Sorry if I made you think I was gonna say no." She chuckled, "Pick me up Friday at eight, okay?"

I was dazed. I could barely say, "Yes, Tal."

"Alright! See you then!"

She squeezed my hand harder and kissed me on my cheek. I could have melted into her arms right then, but she took off. I barely remember walking back to my car and talking to Clank and Lilia when I got home.

Clank, with worry in the undertone of his voice, asked me, "What happened, Ratchet?"

I came back to reality, and smiled, "I've got a date with Talwyn Apogee."

I found myself saying that for hours. Getting ready for bed, "I've got a date with Talwyn Apogee!". Waking up, "I've got a date with Talwyn Apogee!". Cooking my meals, even working on my client's spacecraft, I found myself completely engrossed in the matter. Thursday night I couldn't sleep. I decided to take Friday off. I wanted to look nice for Tal, but I didn't want it to seem like I wanted to look nice. Unfortunately, the only thing I had acceptable for the Green Kerwanian was the tuxedo from the early days when I was Clank's Chauffer.

When it was time to drive to the restaurant, I decided to drop Clank off at his house. He and Lilia lived in a condo a few blocks from the auto shop. I frequently chastised him for it.

"C'mon Clank, why'd you have to abandon your best friend?" I joked en route.

Clank thought for a second, "Well, Ratchet, I figure it's time for a real talk now?"

I didn't know what he meant. "What do you mean by that, buddy?"

"I mean, you're 28 years old now. You need to stop being this spontaneous bachelor, or you will experience unhappiness for the rest of your existence. You and I are still companions, but that is because we have been through so much. This is why I suggested going on the date with Ms. Apogee. You and she have experienced a lot together. I don't mean to infuriate you, Ratchet, but it's time for you to start thinking about the future. Beyond the now. That's what the rest of us have to do."

I thought for a while, driving through the usual metropolis traffic. I finally replied, "I, uh. But, Talwyn and I are too chill to get serious. We're like, close friends, you know?"

Clank laughed, "Eh-he-he-he-he-he. This is what I mean. Start looking at things a little differently. Stop looking at the world with your glasses blurred."

"I don't wear glasses, though!"

"Oh dear." He sighed.

I dropped him off at his house. I didn't think much about what he said. I was more concerned about how Tal was dressed. I pulled up by the address she gave me. She lived in downtown, but still a ways away from the restaurant.

I knocked on her door and hit the call buzzer, "Talwyn, it's Ratchet. Can you let me in?"

It took a couple seconds for a reply to get through, "Yea, Ratchet. I'll be down in a second."

I opened her door. This was frightening. I hadn't been on a date in years. Her apartment was nicely decorated. Usual layout, almost like the suite I had in the Bogon Galaxy. There were accents of pink everywhere, pink vases, glass tables, and a rouge spiral staircase leading to the upstairs. I waited in the foyer. Then, I heard her call out, "Ratchet, I'm ready."

I checked my watch and turned around, "Alright, Tal! We have to move though; our reservation is in five minutes! Move you're a…ah…wow! You look…Amazing!"

"Aw, thanks!" She smiled. She fixed her earrings coming down her stairs.

"Hey, Ratchet, can you zip up my dress for me?"

"Wha..." I thought my knees were going to shatter.

She was wearing some designer strapless thing with all these sequins and jewels on the surface of the dress, and did I mention how tight it was? I felt kind of strange zipping her up. It's a little too intimate for a Lombax like me. Plus, "President" Qwark had failed to repeal a bill making interspecies relationships frowned upon. We were gonna get some fire for dating, especially here in Metropolis.

The drive to the restaurant was bleak; Talwyn and I talked mostly about the economy and the job crisis. Once we got to the top of the restaurant, though, it got more interesting. Getting an entire 360 degree view of Metropolis 5000 feet above the other buildings is something else. The host sat us right at a window seat.

"Would you like to order anything to drink?" He asked.

Talwyn ordered, "I would like, um, your biggest, cheapest, strongest drink."

I laughed, "Really, Tal? I'll have a scotch on the…wait, no. I'm sorry; I haven't done this in a while. We'll take a chilled bottle of your finest Markazian Chardonnay and two glasses."

"Alright, thank you. We'll bring it right up. What is your name, so I can streamline the order?"

"Put it under Ratchet."

"Any surname at all?" The host arched an eyebrow.

"No. Just Ratchet."

He rolled his eyes, "Okay, coming up then."

Talwyn laughed, "What do you mean you haven't done this in a while?"

I chuckled, "Last real date I went on I went on a couple months before I met clank, so I was about nineteen, so about nine years ago."

Talwyn giggled, "You must not have a good track record then with the ladies, no?"

"I actually have a pretty awesome track record. I usually can't get em to leave me alone."

The waiter brought our drinks right then. Talwyn took the first sip, and then said, "If you want them to leave you alone, then you must not want anything long term."

I tasted the wine myself. It was really good. "Not really. I've always been a bachelor. It's a part of me, you know?"

Talwyn sighed, "I guess. I know how you feel." She swirled the wine in her glass a little bit. "How come this tastes so good?"

"Ancient Lombax recipe."

"What? But, Lombaxes and Markazians were eons apart!"

I replied, "Not really. They were in contact for a little bit before the whole dimension thing. Lombaxes and Markazians were actually evolving side by side pretty much."

Talwyn gasped, "Wow, that's so amazing! How do you know this?"

I laughed, "It's in my genes."

She giggled. After a few seconds, she seemed a little concerned, "How come they haven't given us menus or anything?"

"Well, it's one of _those _restaurants where they only give you the five courses they serve every night. The food is too good to complain about, though."

Talwyn seemed a little confused, "Oh. Have you eaten here before?"

"Yeah, for Clank's engagement party."

"Oh. He got married?"

"Yup. He and his wife are already expecting kids."

"Aw, that's so cute!"

We talked for a little bit about our previous relationships. I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying, the way she looked, just oozed glamour. The simplicity of her dress, her hair, and those big Markazian eyes; plus, her smile always makes me feel a little happier every time I make her laugh.

Then I heard the biggest skater accent, "Dude, Ratchet! I ain't seen you in years! What's up? Saving the universe again I suppose?"

"Yeah, I suppose. By the way, this is Talwyn. Tal, this is Skidd, he and I worked together for a while."

She shook his hand and smiled, "So nice to meet you."

Skidd chuckled, "So, are you guys like, married or something?"

I yelled, "Oh, no!"

Tal rolled her eyes.

Skidd apologized, "So sorry. You, like know about the menu, right?"

"Yeah Skidd, we do."

"I was just wondering, because, this is, like my restaurant, you know."

Tal and I were shocked, "Really?"

"Yeah, other than hover boarding, food is my passion. That and stocking up."

"Stocking up for what?" I asked.

"Apocalypse 3.0 man. Solana galaxy is done for this time."

Tal tried to calm Skidd down, "Skidd, it's fine; you probably had just a little too much to smoke, and…"

Skidd shouted, "Hey, I've been sober for ten minutes! But seriously, Galaxy after galaxy is falling to some new army of the damned! Remember in history class hearing about the Milky way and Andromeda galaxies colliding 2 million years ago?"

Tal replied, "Yea. So?" I had no idea what was going on.

Skidd went on, "You see, the remnants of those galaxies drifted into the Talarian abyss at the edge of the universe. Ever since then, galaxy after galaxy has fallen with the point of origin at the Talarian abyss! And we're next in line!"

I asked Skidd, "So, other than that, why does this concern us?"

Skidd actually made sense in his rebut, "You see, man. I've been reading up on it. There was a militant warrior species called _Homo sapiens_ that tried to take over the Milky Way before the galaxies collided! And if that's not enough, apparently the power supply to the dimensionater originated from that galaxy! I know you guys have been trying to figure out the past for a while now, and this is probably the chance! If that army gets to here, who knows what'll happen? Anyway, enjoy your meal, here's your food, peace out bros."

Tal and I just looked at each other. The food was pretty good.

Thing is, even though Skidd may have the intellect of a small child, he's rarely wrong. I decided to check the radar room at the old Galactic Ranger's facility after I dropped Talwyn back at her house. Maybe I could detect something on their trackers.

Eventually, the time came to leave. I could see Tal was shivering on the way to the car, so I gave her my suit jacket. I think she enjoyed it. I checked my watch, the face reading almost 12 at night. We had closed the restaurant. Talwyn was very tired. On the walk up the stairs to her apartment, she almost fell down the stairs, and I had to catch her every now and then. She tried resting her head on my shoulder, but that couldn't work since I'm so short. When we got to her room, she barely could speak, yawning between phrases and sentences.

"Ratchet, you can't head back to your part of town."

"Yeah I can! It's not that dangerous."

"No, I mean, just stay here, this once. Please?"

Talwyn offering me to stay with her late at night? No way. We just got off the first date.

"Sorry, Tal. But I want to go to the old Galactic Rangers facility to see exactly what's going on."

"Okay. Bye. Hey, I talked to Skidd; he says that all the other girls you've met say you're great with your hands. What's that supposed to mean?"

I could hear my voice crack, "I don't know. Bye?"

It was going to happen eventually though. On the way to the ranger depot, I reflected on all the zany adventures I had been on. For some reason, this one felt more dangerous, and more sinister. With Dr. Nefarious dead, and all my other enemies in hiding or dead themselves, this new enemy was prospecting to be a challenge.

I thought about what Alistair had told me. About the Lombaxes and my parents. I felt like, finally, something I would do in the process of saving my galaxy would give me purpose and a calling beyond being a mercenary. But, I had no more time to think, as I entered the Depot.

H22 opened the door and said, "Hey Sarge, we need you upstairs. Glad you decided to show up."


	3. Chapter 3: Sector 69

Ratchet and Clank: The Glory Hole

_Ratchet_

Chapter 3- Sector 69

H22 and I had been through so much all those years ago we pretty much jumped right back into our work days. As we traversed the corridor to get to the main radar room, H22 handed me a stack of survey papers and historical tracking records. As high…er, paranoid, as Skidd was, he was right. The fleet's farthest unit was in a small star system between the Solana galaxy and The Phoenix, which I hadn't even heard mentioned in years. The Phoenix was being used as a station for deployment. Once we got enough people rounded up, we would go into 69.

I studied the radar for a while. The blips indicated that the invading forces were only 5 days from metropolis. Worse, Marcadia's laser defense systems were under repair. And with Al and Sasha chilling on the beaches in the Bogon galaxy, the best repairmen in the universe were gone. Qwark would have to leave some thousands of soldiers behind in case an invasion did occur.

"Ratchet, why are you using the radar?" I recognized Qwark's imbecilic voice.

"Because, um I don't know? The fate of our existence is at stake?"

"I realize that. But, radar has been more obsolete than the full body waxinator for eons! Use the remote cameras for Pete's sake!"

"Oh sure, it's…better?" as I flipped the switch and looked at the entire invasion fleet as they flew past Mediste.

"Told you. I mean, why would you shave the bushes to make the trees look taller when you could give the trees growth hormones and make it actually bigger?" Qwark exclaimed.

"What?" I was gagging.

"Look at the landscaping outside! Imbecilic president over my dead body! That's great landscaping! And we don't have to burn the bushes down anymore."

"Please stop. Well, Qwark; it seems that you need to raise an army. If we can hold that star system under siege, we can buy enough to regroup and turn the attack on the offensive."

"We have more than enough people! Ten million rangers, ready to go!"

"No, we need a small contingent back here to protect the city in case it hits the fan!"

"Nonsense! The laser defenses will protect the galaxy!"

"The time clock disabled the laser defenses two years ago! I don't know why, but it did! The laser defenses don't work!"

Qwark rolled his eyes, "Oh please, I've got this."

I just shook my head.

When morning came, I called up the shop. Clank should have finished the last shoot for the Secret agent Clank film by now.

"Hello, Ratchet."

"Hey Clank, I need you over here at the ranger depot. Looks like we have to be hired muscle again."

"Okay then, by the way, Talwyn was here looking for you. Said she had a query regarding your safety after your date."

"Oh, um. I just needed to see something. Looks like we might be invaded. We have to head to sector 69."

"Really?" Clank asked.

"What's wrong?"

"The Zoni informed me the Markazian home planet is somewhere in that sector. Coordinates 8.5 69 0420810, right?"

"Yes."

"Then Talwyn would be happy to come along. She wants to get out of the city for a little bit."

Talwyn snatched the phone from Clank, "Yea, and Ratchet, there are some ropes I need to show you about my home world that would be great background info."

"Does it have a name?" I asked.

She chuckled, "I don't want to ruin the surprise."

I sighed.

"So, I guess I'll roll by with clank and we can start heading out…"

"No, Talwyn. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to stay behind this one time. Qwark's putting every single troop on the offensive. Stay behind with the RYNO V so at least you won't die."

"Um, why should you care about me dying?" She asked.

"Well, uh…you know, you and I have been through a lot, and we're *cough* dating, right now, so, I don't know…I don't want my girlfriend to die?"

Talwyn got a lot less frustrated. "Aw, Ratchet! How did you know I love sweet, committed things like that?"

I wanted to puke.

"And Ratchet, if you make it back in one piece, I've got a…surprise I want to show you, Mister 'good with his hands'!"

"Hold on a sec, Tal" I had a little bit of puke in my mouth. *BLEAAAHHHH* right on Qwark's waxinator.

I put the phone back up to my ear, "You were saying?"

"Did you just puke, Ratchet?"

"No, nonsense! I've got an adamantine stomach!"

Talwyn snickered, "Well, then. Just come back in one piece so I don't have to bury you. 'Cause that would be _such _a turnoff."

*BLEAAAHHHH*

Clank snatched the phone, "You two lovebirds exchange your relational banter on your own time! I'll be there in five, Ratchet."

I wiped something chunky from my lip. "Wait, relational banter? Do you mean flirting?"

Clank just hung up.

When he got to the control room, we were already late to head out. By the time we got suited up and had the arsenal primed, it was time to drop down on a random sector 69 planet.

H22 said, "I hope you remember how to do this."

I also hoped so.

We fell from the sky at the usual jaw-exploding pace. My armor, the top of the line infernox I had purchased all those years ago, kept me from, well, vomiting out the other end. The drop was sheer, right into the arid valley of a scrubby desert. Blasters erupted, sending their electric charges everywhere. Personally, I ducked behind a corner. I reached for my blaster. That's what I forgot to pack. Anyway, a ranger had already gone down, so I took his blaster. Nitro blasts, morphing charges, even the very explodey-crates I'm so fond with came over the walls we were taking cover behind.

Clank suggested, "Maybe we should charge them."

"Great idea!" J31 shouted. "You should do it while we cover you from behind!"

"Thanks!"

I back-flipped over the wall, blasting all the troops I saw. A nitro exploded right in front of me and I spun around a few times. I saw some more rangers! Maybe they could back us up!

Then J31 came from behind me, "Charge 'em! RAAAAWRR!" He stopped in his tracks.

I shouted, "CEASE FIRE!"

The smoke cleared. All around the valley I saw rangers, some Markazians, plenty of Kerwanians, but no "evil invaders".

A Markazian girl came down from the mountains, "What are you doing here?"

"Trying to find bad people, I guess?"

"The bad people already left. They said they didn't need our resources."

"Resources? Wait, if they already left, then…how long is the flight to metropolis from here?"

J77 replied, "About 7 hours, sir."

I shouted, "Everybody book it! Our galaxy is falling under siege."

Clank and I flew the Phoenix back to the Solana galaxy.

Clank asked me, "Ratchet, what was it that Talwyn stated that made you vomit?"

I sighed, "She wants to try riding…"

Clank recoiled and interrupted me, "Oh, isn't that a bit inappropriate?"

"For me, yes. I haven't ridden a rollercoaster since I was five. Just thinking about them makes me vomit."

"Oh. My apologies Ratchet. I thought you two were talking about when you lie on…"

"Yes, Clank? Go on."

"Nevermind. Eh-he-he-he-he-he."

I rolled my eyes. I hoped we weren't too late.


	4. Chapter 4: The Seige of Metropolis

_Talwyn_

Chapter 4-The siege of Metropolis

_Where are they?_

I stood on top of my building on the "wrong side" of metropolis, whatever that means, terrified that Ratchet and Clank wouldn't notice they were heading for the wrong planet. You see, I actually have studied this type of tactic before. It's called a _False Lead_. Obviously, these invaders, whoever they were, wanted resources on metropolis, not in sector 69.

Looking around, I see nothing. I check my radar watch. Something's closing in from the southeast. Sure enough, a star cruiser the size of Qwark's butt rash is crashing through the skyscrapers like nobody's business. RYNO V to the rescue, I guess? No. Damn thing didn't get any ammo put in. So, I guess I have to default to my blaster again.

I key my radio, "Qwark, this is Talwyn. I have massive craft closing in on downtown at top speed. Doesn't look like they're stopping for anything. Should I engage?"

Qwark was probably on the toilet, "Um…good! Seriously, someone needs to get on the turret in X sector! Take Skidd with you! He's the only one whose ever fired that thing before."

"Why did Skidd fire an anti-cruiser shell?"

"I don't know? Just, look. I'm at the Galaxy burger women's restroom right below the turret, I'll provide help once I…VOID! My problems, okay! We seriously need someone over there right now!"

Skidd was crawling around on the roof shouting, "Man down!"

"Let's seriously just get this over with."

"Yes, ma'm."

Beneath the sun and clouds of Kerwan, buildings were collapsing all around us. Fortunately, everybody had already evacuated to the mountains. Take's a woman's initiative to save a planet, eh? Skidd had a hacker and an ancient crotchitizer. He says he got it from Qwark. I really don't want to know.

From where we were, it was about 5 blocks to the turret. Without the city ending before us, it took about four hours to get there. Now, it was going to take much, much longer. I looked up to the sky. _Please, let Ratchet and Clank get back here safely. _I was worried about them. They should've noticed the problems with sector 69 by now. I wanted my boyfriend back here. Sure, on the outside, while Skidd was hacking doors and bridges, I kept my tough exterior, but in reality, I just wanted someone to hold me. Not Skidd. He's strange. I wanted Ratchet back.

As we traversed the city, we didn't get much contact with opposition. That is, until we had to walk up the stairs to the top floor of the turret tower. We got to the doorway leading to the corridor to the turret. Weird alien soldiers filled the room. They had blasters, except they had no front grips. They were black metal, with as few parts as possible. The creatures themselves were slightly taller than me, but they had no tails. On their hands, five trembling fingers and weirder still, they had no tails. I pulled out the RYNO. Skidd stood on the other side with the Crotchitizer. I shouldered the RYNO. Hopefully they would fall for the trick.

I shouted, "Lower your weapons!"

They all just looked at each other. I put down my small blaster. They put down their strange weapons. One of them spoke, "Do you, uh…speak English?"

"English? This is how everybody talks 'round here."

"Then you're talking our language. Travis. Gutierrez. 0420810. That's all I'm saying."

I thought for a second. "Skidd, take them to the science facility at the Ranger depot. Don't treat them badly. But keep your eyes on them."

"Will do, Ma'm. C'mon dudes, let's get out of here."

Travis and his squad reluctantly left. I climbed the ladder into the turret.

I checked my radar watch. Ratchet's ship would only be a couple hours away now. Blowing the invading ships out of the sky was no problem. As I climbed out the ladder, Qwark stumbled up to me, toilet paper hanging from his butt.

"Talwyn, we have a problem." He panted.

"What? I blew all their ships out of the sky! They have no army! They're no longer a problem!"

"Yes they are." Qwark blathered.

"No they're not."

"Yes, they are."

I rolled my eyes, "Prove it!"

Just then, all the lights went out.

"EMP. Electromagnetic pulse. It wipes out all electronic devices and equipment. You see, the technology required to produce that produces a massive radar signature, which is why I sent out all the robots and drones out. I'm not a big oaf like FORMER president Phyronix makes me out to be! Now, answer me this; how come red crayons don't taste like cherry?"

"I don't know!"

I ran up to the docking station on top of the building. Hopefully Ratchet would get a signal. Unfortunately, the only signal I could give him was off my watch, which was now destroyed. I had to think of something. What's something a Lombax can't resist?

_Ratchet_

I looked down toward metropolis in the spaceship. Transports fanned out, heading back to their respective bases. I saw a burning picture of a VG-69000. I immediately headed towards it, expecting to see somebody doing horrible things to the console. Burning it, smashing it, playing the new modern warfare on it; the paranoia intoxicated my judgment. Sure enough, it's Tal. Thankfully, she knows how to get my attention.

By taking her shirt off and waving it in the air?

Well, desperate times come for desperate measures.

Right?

Anyway, she soon debriefed us on what happened. It didn't take long for the point to settle in. Metropolis was under siege.


End file.
